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Unsurprisingly, as no one enjoys maths or physics homework, the modern way to find the correct fit is to go to a shop and get someone else to do it for you.
Men are happy about this.
Lara Stone has become one of the most talked-about models of the moment, not just because she's engaged to David Walliams but also because her gap-toothed pout and fuller figure make such a welcome change.
It creates a lot of confusion when we're designing breast enlargements.
So our mothers' generation are bigger than our grandmothers and so on.
Katie Halford, 34d natural mature grandmothers, founder of vintage-inspired lingerie label What Katie Did, which creates glamorous underwear from s and s patterns and materials, says, "Only 10 years ago it was nearly impossible to find anything bigger than a D cup on the high street, and things have certainly improved.
But trained fitters can now be found in almost every lingerie department; instead of relying on water or tape they add an element of mystique to this already complicated process.
Caro Caro is a mature grandmother from Germany with big suckable tits and a natural hairy pussy.
You record this figure in inches.
If you've got them, you might as well flaunt them.